What are tiger parents and what is it like to grow up with them?
If you’ve heard of the term, “tiger mom”, then you can deduce what I mean when I call myself a “tiger child.” For those of you not familiar with the term, it was made popular by author Amy Chua, who wrote the book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Wikipedia defines tiger parenting as “a form of strict parenting, whereby parents are highly invested in ensuring their children’s success.” Except that in my case, my strict Asian-American immigrant parents did not “highly invest” in ensuring my success. Rather, they demanded that I had to be successful, and they mostly expected me to figure out how to do that myself.
It didn’t help that they sent me to an American school where I spent my days reading about Western cultural ideals, including the typical wealthy and affectionate American family. Often, I wondered why my parents wouldn’t reason with me calmly… why they didn’t think yearbooks or class rings were important… or the significance of high school social hierarchies. Instead, I felt that their goal was to crush any independent thoughts or actions that might run counter to what they wanted for my life. Sometimes that attitude was very subtle, but I could still feel it.
I’m sure there were/are tiger parents who have done everything possible to ensure their children’s success. Helicopter parenting, tutoring, extracurricular activities, and a tight schedule of their choosing (not their child’s) were the result of their involvement. I could never quite figure out how my high school classmates who were able to achieve top grades had time to participate in multiple clubs… until one of them confessed he only slept 4 hours a night. Imagine any teen telling you that! But I think he was accepted into an Ivy League college, which was what he, or rather, what his parents wanted.
In this blog, in no particular order, I will explore many topics related to my tiger upbringing and the success and devastation it wrought on my life, as well as what has helped me to heal. Most importantly, I want to explore how tiger parenting has affected me mentally, emotionally and spiritually… and share some of the ways I overcame the wounds inflicted by my own parents. My healing journey is by no means completed, so please bear with me, as in my haste to publish these posts (which I feel compelled to do), my thoughts and ideas may come across jumbled or imperfect. I hope that what I share here may also help you in some way.
Peace and blessings,
Viv